when it's all said and done, there are two small humans who, in their subconscious, are counting on me to be the very best version of myself.
there are two little girls who will grow up watching my every move, hearing each word i say, and watching how i treat others.
they will watch my decision making, notice the things i like and don't like, notice the things i tolerate and do not tolerate. they will be etched with all that i do, and they will use that as their norm.
this is the structure for my life.
that does not mean that i make crafts with them for each holiday or make them dinners they like when they don't like whatever i made, or that i make sure they get everything they want and more. i actually do not do that. because what i do with them creates a norm of expected patterns of what a woman and a mother does. and i can't keep up with that type of daily child maintenance.
the most important and influential things i can do for my children are the simplest ones of setting examples and truly just doing life as a good person, a good friend, a good soul and showing them what it looks like to love fearlessly, selflessly, and to pour out grace and love. the other half of that is to know what to do when the people and situations you are in do not serve you any longer.
today i listened to a message about how jesus prunes us and will cut off all branches that will not bear fruit. and how you cannot be one aspect of good without being all aspects of good. you cannot love selflessly and not feel peace, you cannot be joyous but lack in love. everything works together and everything is connected.
and sometimes in order to have peace, certain branches of our lives must be removed. in order to be able to fully love, experience joy, be joy, be abundant and to bless others, we have to be pruned and some parts of our lives we have to say goodbye to.
it hurts my heart so bad when my love and grace is not sufficient for a person. and i spent a lot of years wanting to try so hard to have that help people. but as i have grown and experienced more things and opened my heart up to God so He can really make me the absolute best version of me, I have learned that sometimes it can't be sufficient for others... But loving like Jesus means that you still love, let that branch be pruned, and go forward.
it's to the point where in each situation that comes as a trial, i really have to step back and look because there are two little girls watching me. am I doing right by them? am I showing them the right things to do in the tough situations? am I doing right by Jesus? am I doing the next good thing?
so that when my child is crying, it's not because she saw me cry... it's because she wants more chocolate to add to her chocolate mustache. so that my children are protected, supported, and pruned in the best ways I can prune them, and they open their hearts to know and learn of the selfless love that exists in this world.
love keeps no record of wrongs.
what does not serve me, will leave me. and i will let it go.
so that the branches i do have will bear fruit abundantly.
and two little girls will have two front seats to watch it grow.